Conflicted Feelings
by Behind Invisibility
Summary: Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. TayuAnko. Yuri. AU.
1. Friendship

Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. Tayuya x Anko. AU. Yuri.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
Warning: Strong language, Female x Female pairings.  
I will try to update a chapter every Friday!

_Chapter 1: Friendship  
_

* * *

Being with and around Anko was as comfortable as breathing. Her cheerful atmosphere would always bright up a gloomy room, and her sense of humour would always keep you in high spirits. Yes she could sometimes be quite high maintenance, snapping out and sulking without warning, from being happy to grumpy in the space of a second or two. But that's just how I like my best friend. These are the reasons why I love her so.

We have known each other for a couple or so years, befriending each other almost straight away, with a few ups and downs, nothing unusual. Moving up to a high school can be daunting, especially as there are few people you know to converse with. But from the moment we were seated together I knew it would be the start of a beautiful friendship, blossoming as far as the skies limit.

Oh the many cheeky and peculiar conversations we've had, seeming as we both have the same mindset it's no wonder we would get accusing and strange looks from passersby as they overhear our debates, heated discussions and just casual conversations. At one point I used to be so paranoid of what people would say and how they would judge, but Anko brought a new light to me, getting my fiery personality to match my hair. I laugh at my old self in a way, why couldn't I sooner shout '_Fuck you all'_ to the world and not give a damn.

Even though our personalities contrast at times, we would always make up, not the petty_ 'I'm sorry I was wrong forgive me' _type, but the type in which you would just walk up to one another and shout '_Forgive a fellow comrade and hug me son'_ type in front of a large crowd, no wonder we get so many accusing stares.

Looking back on all of this, it's the main reason why it must keep it this way, and not let my feelings intervene, I enjoy spending time with my best friend, no tension in the air, so relaxed and laid back and not afraid to say anything. But I just can't help it whenever she hugs me, kisses my cheek, or even brushes against my by accident whilst walking, I just begin to flare up inside, butterflies mixed with guilt, the guilt trying to squash the butterflies to prevent them from surfacing.

But my _god _it is amazing when she'll flash me a toothy grin, or even when we pull the most unattractive faces imaginable, she can still look attractive whilst doing so.

_New Message: Anko_  
_'Good morning Slut, have nice wet dreams about me I hope. In all seriousness though I still have to pack 20+ more suitcases for my holiday, so if you pop by today beware that I will be in a fort of clothes'_

Heh. Unfortunate for her.  
Should I text back?  
I don't want to seem too keen.  
What am I on about she is my best friend.

_Write Message: To Anko_  
_'Aw hey whore face, good luck packing all that crap without anyone to help you, not sure if I can come round later or not, I have to get started on my summer project, I'll call you later alright?'  
_  
I could've been meaner but she's got enough to deal with packing all her bags.

See. This is what I don't want to lose, I know I am straining myself now to stay calm and focus on other things, but whenever I talk to her I can't help but feel… whole. I really need to stop letting my mind wander. She is my friend, and that is all she will ever be, she can't like me back, I can't like her, end of.

I really must get started on this project, crap, where do I even begin with it? It has to be about different artists and an instrument of choice, but I can't help but want to add my own little character to commentate it.

Maybe I should do that. Yeah I can see it now a little chibi with pink hair, horns, orange eyes, brown/gray skin… wow I really must get my head checked out no wonder everyone thinks I'm on ecstasy.

_New Message: Anko_  
_'You're hilarious Tay. Screw the project and come over and help me, I'll do anything you want… wink wink ;).'  
_Yeah I doubt that.

_Write Message: To Anko_  
_'Well I can't refuse an offer like that can I? I'll be round as soon as I can, make sure you can get to the door quick enough I don't want to knock it down again'_

That was a fun day, I was sleeping round Anko's and we'd just watched a scary movie, I can't remember the name exactly, I'd rather not recall any of that movie, it had me scared shitless for at least a month afterwards. She thought it would be funny to lock me out in the dark freezing my ass off, luckily my sheer will power and fear drove me to completely unhinge the door with my foot and barricade the door down. Anko's reaction was priceless, pissed, shocked, and amused all at the same time. Also cute, let's not forget cute.

Right, best to put on a best friend persona, not a pathetic drowning in despair of love persona, I'll get through it. She'll flirt with me I guarantee it, since we both came out Bisexual she does it to annoy me more than anything, I really do enjoy but I wish she'd seen the damage it was doing to my feelings before it was too late.

* * *

_So that was the first chapter, I hope you all enjoyed it._  
_This chapter wasn't very long but I had no idea where I was going with it, so hopefully it didn't bore you._  
_I promise there will be more exciting stuff to come!_


	2. Relations

Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. Tayuya x Anko. AU. Yuri.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
Warning: Strong language, Female x Female pairings.  
I will try to update a chapter every Friday!

New chappie is here, enjoy!

_Chapter 2: Relations_

* * *

Bustling through the busy streets doesn't half stress me out. Wherever you go car fumes are smeared within the air, threatening to choke you; passersby with scowling faces rudely shove you out of the way without even the slightest apology or thought in the matter, horns are blazed as stupid kids run across the road on a green light and the stench of food, clothing, book, and perfume shops are all entwined into each other to make a truly revolting smell.

The crossings don't get any better either, have to press some stingy button that doesn't even work half the time and wait in a crowd to cross the faded white lines to the other side of civilisation, people coughing and spluttering left and right not caring at all if they are coughing right in your face. I really do hate people sometimes.

"Hey! Watch where you're fucking coughing you pig" Yep. I really hate people.

I got quite a few looks for that, oh well. They all know I'm right but just too wimpy to admit it. Yeah there were kids around but come 'on, this is the 21st century; they hear it all the time.

Getting to Anko's is a real mission, only for her would I trek through the main roads on a Saturday afternoon lugging 2 heavy string bags on my shoulders having to wade through hundreds of selfish human beings only minding their own. Sorry mister am I in your way? Here let me move for you. No, you don't have to move for me, stubborn ass, since you are in a suit you must be more worthy, so here, you might as well shove me out of the way.  
God I hate people.

Getting off the high street was music to my ears, a beautiful flute melody pushing me into a much more calm state.

"Tayuya!" A familiar voice calls out, could it be?

Yeah, it could. Turning to face her I could see her blond hair tied into four angles and her teal eyes sporting a questioning look.

"Off to Anko's are we?" She smiles.

Temari. Another one of my closest friends, we had been friends since Junior High. The both of us once agreed we would live together and open up a shop. How naïve we were honestly, that idea quickly died along with coming to High School.

She is one of the very few people I trust with my life, that and Anko. I could tell her anything and she would be so understanding about it, not quick to judge and always give the right advice when needed.

But there is one thing I can't tell anyone, let alone myself, that I am in love with my best friend and it's eating at me day by day, until I turn into a wreck and get buried under a mass of different feelings clawing and ripping at each other.

With Temari it's different than with Anko, yeah no doubt I think she's gorgeous, but in a friendly manor more than a _I want to fuck_ you manor, I could give her a hug and feel happy, but nothing more.

It's more or less the same with anyone else; ever since I met Anko I just haven't had the same chemistry with anyone except her. Before the feelings deepened into something more than a little crush I used to date other guys, and yeah sure it would be fun and thrilling in a way, but it never had a spark like my feelings toward Anko.

"Yeah, she asked me to help her pack for her holiday, you should come along" I shrugged

"I would but I've got to go meet Shika, he mumbled something like crowd swatting, weird right?"

Figures. Crowd swatting? What? …hn, by the way he mumbles constantly I bet it would be something to do with clouds at any chance. Crowd, cloud, crould, cloud, Ah, my guess was correct.

"Uh, crowd swatting? You sure he doesn't mean _cloud watching_?" I raised an eyebrow

"Something like that, hey what do I care as long as he's treating me to dinner" She laughed

Nice one Shikamaru, she'll be off your back for a day or so, good call.

We departed and I turned to the route I was previously venturing down. Whilst I got time to kill might as well practice the new song I've been working on, I reached into my bag and pulled out my most precious present I'd ever received.

My flute, a thin grey cylinder, cold to touch, with eight holes and a thin mouthpiece lay set nearing the end, the way the sun would reflect on it is mesmerising, the clash of colours surrounding it and the hard metal shin all in tow set the scene for when playing beautiful and peaceful harmonies, even violent and piercing harmonies would compliment it.

Mostly violent and piercing harmonies with a touch of peace are my favourite, just the way that the harmonies sink in well together and bend and curve as you produce them from nothing but air, it's truly fascinating, it's just a shame people can't appreciate it like I do. They have no idea what they are missing out on.

I continued to play until I reached Anko's house, it was a lovely house. White fences setting around the area of it, then the gate slapped right in the front, a white stone pathway leading up to low off white steps, then onto a clearing between the blue door and steps, flowers and shrubbery surrounding the garden in neat sets.

I knocked my signature knock, five times times, three soft and two hard, then one slight knock on the door knocker. The door flung open to reveal an out of breath Anko with her purple hair in every which way.

"H-hey, about time Tay" She panted

Oh god she'll be the death of me someday, she just oozes sexiness.

"Need a hand?" I laughed, stepping inside her ever so modest home pilled with all sorts of different suitcases and who knows what thrown onto the floor.

"No duh" She said closing the door behind me and gave me the biggest hug.  
Cue butterflies and guilt.

After spending two hours or so there I made my way back, trudging across the same dark alleys until I got to the main street, surprise surprise, even with it being late people still continued to stalk the streets, the bright lights from the building continuously dazzle, banishing complete darkness.

Pushing and shoving my way back to my house I threw my empty bags down and collapsed on the coach, I really could not be bothered to eat; I saw too tired to barley move let alone get up, walk to the kitchen and make something. And hey if I didn't go to sleep when tired I'd become restless and not be able to sleep which sucked.

* * *

_Hope you enjoyed! ;D_  
_Hah, the irony of Temari also being one of Tayuya's closest friends, but I think if Tayuya wasn't on Oro's side then they would be pretty close._


	3. Confrontation

Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. Tayuya x Anko. AU. Yuri.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
Warning: Strong language, Female x Female pairings.  
I will try to update a chapter every Friday!

Tayuya is an angry woman…

_Chapter 3: Confrontation_

* * *

"It's time to do this" I whispered to myself

I peered into my long length mirror at myself, my brown eyes had 3 day old bags under them, strands of dark pink hair just about covering the restless look upon my face. Lately I haven't been able to sleep much at all, it's becoming annoying as fuck, I just want to sleep, but I can't.

Due to my complete lack of sleep it's given me the unfortunate time to think, thus letting my mind override into over thinking just about every single matter in life, and there is just one topic that has never left my head, it's driving me insane I just want to stop thinking, I want to stop thinking so badly.

It's time for me to confront my feelings for Anko to myself, no point in lying to myself now; I just need to get it over and done with. Judging by the different feelings I can clearly see reflecting into my eye, I really just need to unleash some of it if I have enough energy.

I stared straight into my reflection right into my iris, being able to see my own small reflection staring back at me in a whole of darkness. Pulling out my flute I began to fill the metal cylinder with oxygen, then releasing in into violent pitches then an array, labelling each pitch a different feeling.  
Confusion. Selfishness. Guilt. Happiness. Sadness. Anger. And every other emotion that came with them.

It was quite a good composure if I do say so myself, nobody would know the true meaning so I'll have to remember it for later use for my project.

I felt a tiny bit more relieved, glad to finally be able to let the feelings out in my own way, but now it's back to just me and my reflection

"What do you want?" Am I seriously talking to my own reflection?

_For you to accept your feelings; there is no point trying to bury them in hope of forgetting, they will always be there. Whether or not they expand or gradually get smaller, there will always be something there. So learn to accept it or you're going to feel worse._

Now I'm arguing with myself? This is really happening?

"I can't accept them, for one it's not like it's accepted so easily in a community, maybe more so now than long ago, but still. Secondly I won't accept it because she is my friend, my best friend, if I learnt to accept it, I would say something to her, then ruin our friendship and never get what we have now back, I'm not risking anything"

_Has it ever come across your mind that she may feel the same way?_

"She wouldn't, I know she wouldn't. She's not the type to hide something in fear of what the other might think she would come out and say it. I don't want false hope. I'm done"

I threw my flute onto the floor with much more force than I should've, and kicked the mirror, if I had shoes on it might of taken effect, but the only thing I got back was pain from how stubborn it was, I growled and punched the wall, denting it slightly. Hah take that. Grinning smugly I narrowed my eyes on the nearest thing I could. Slowly they began to droop as I looked upon my flute, broken in two.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I knelt down beside it, rage tears over spilling, yeah I was crying over something as pathetic as a flute of all things, I don't give a damn. Sue me.

I grasped each end of the flute like I was holding onto dear life; I buried the pieces nearer my chest, hugging them. Why do I always do this? I get out of control and fuck up everything around me. God damn why do I stress out so much?!

I peered up to see my reflection once more, looking sorry for myself is the word for it, raw red eyes filled with anger clutching a hold of my flute, I carefully let go of the pieces and set them down to my side, them crawled up to the mirror, staring into my eyes once again. I let out a sigh and my features dropped, leaving a hopeless and restless feeling lingering.

I pushed my hair off my face and wiped my eyes, then shakily stood up breathing carefully, making sure to calm myself.

"Okay, what do I do?"

_Learn to accept it, bit by bit._

"I can't"

_Try._

With that I silently agreed, I can try. No, I don't need to tell her, I just… I just need to have more of an answer for myself; I know that I love her. I can't deny it any longer. I just. I don't know.

I found myself wandering to my bed, suddenly sleep hit me like a ton of bricks, collapsing into the warmth radiation off my bed, it hugged me tight as caressed me as I fell into a deep, needed sleep.

* * *

_Man now I'm tired too, sorry again for a short chapter, but the next one I upload will be longer._  
_I'll be uploading a new chapter again next Friday! ;D  
_


	4. Wanting

Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. Tayuya x Anko. AU. Yuri.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
Warning: Strong language, Female x Female pairings.  
I will try to update a chapter every Friday!

Longish chapter than the rest because it was so fun to write.  
So sorry for the late publishing, I had a busy day yesterday and just went straight to bed when I got back.

_Chapter 4: Wanting_

* * *

"Open the goddamn door Tayuya"

There came a repetitive knocking at the door, each knock getting louder and heavier than the first one, in a half dazed trance I lifted my head from the pillow then checked the time on the red digital clock on my side table.

_15:32_

Ah.

I lifted all my weight and willpower to move from under the covers, I felt so heavy and sleepy, and my vision was slightly blurred, I rubbed my eyes and yawned, smudging my mascara, but who gives a damn I just woke up, not like anyone's going to care. I lifted myself off the bed carefully making sure not to get light headed and made my way down the stairs.

"Coming, coming. Jeez" I didn't half sound like a man when I wake up.

"…Sexy as per" Anko shuffled as I opened the door

Well shit, I knew there was something about half three, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Now here I was standing in my doorway, ill fitting pyjamas really not giving my figure any justice, my hair in a total limp mess and my makeup smudge left right and centre.

Joy to all, and who is the one person I don't want seeing me like this? She's at my door, hiding a smirk, damn it.

I grunted in reply as I welcomed her in and shut the door, scratching my head I made my way over to join Anko in my living room floor. It was a routine for us both to grab as many pillows as we could and set them down on the floor and then proceed to do whatever the hell we both felt like on that day.

"I brought Taken, I watched the first few bits but my DVD player thought it'd be fun to mess up which was nice"

I chuckled at that, reaching over to the DVD I looked at the cover, then at Anko, I didn't realise how close we were but I just smirked at her and flipped the cover round and continued to read.

"I'm feeling pyjama day, so you can get changed into some of mine if you like" I set the DVD down and backed up sitting where I was once before.

"Your clothes are way too small for me" She frowned

"Only by one size, if you don't wanna change you don't have to"

"On second thought I'll give you something to look at. I'll try and pick the tightest" She winked

With that she waltzed up to my room. Thank god she went straight away; she wouldn't notice my cheeks flaring up, thank you lord if you're there. I quickly rushed into the kitchen and hung my head over the sink and began to splash my face with cool water, the coldness of it hitting my face helped me to wake up and also to settle my cheeks.

I grabbed a towel and dried my face, then began to pour us both out some cola and brought a big bowl of cereal out, with no milk of course, just like me and Anko like it, we're weird like that.

When we first became friends we used to do little Q & A's, one of the questions was '_What kind of cereal do you like'_ I have no clue why that sort of question was on there but we both answered with _'Anything as long as it's not with milk'_. From then on we'd always share a big bowl of plain cereal, it just became habit now.

I came out of the kitchen and placed the bowl and drinks on the coffee table, then proceeded to move the pillows around so it was facing the TV. My television is reasonably big, but not the whole _cover your entire wall_ kind of big, they are just too in your face for me.

I pulled the coffee table toward the fort of pillows I had made and took Taken out of its case and plopped it into the DVD player, then sat down waiting for Anko to get back down.

A few minutes later Anko descended down the stairs and came in with a playful look in her eyes, I wondered why she was doing so until I realised I was checking her out, awkward

But to be fair she looked gorgeous, she always does. The clothes were reasonably tight on her yes, but she could pull it off _so well_, she was wearing a purple tank top that hugged to her body and breasts very nicely. She has a lovely rack. And she was also wearing cream fuzzy chequered bottoms that dangled just above her ankle.

"I was just admiring your… ankle swingers" I motioned at the fabric hovering just at her ankle

"I'm sure that was the only thing you were admiring" she smirked and rolled her trousers up to her knees, making sure to bend forward more than necessary.

Fuuuuck it. I looked away at the play menu and picked up the remote.

"I got you a cola and some cereal" I said whilst hitting play

"Good girl" Anko purred whilst sitting down to the right of me. Cue butterflies.

"I try baby, I try."

After the movie was over I stood up and took a long stretch and dragged myself over to the DVD player to take Taken out of it and snap it back in its case. I threw it at Anko who was beginning to 'rest her eyes'. It hit her in the chin, my bad.

"Ugh, the fuck?" She scowled and threw it back

I shrugged it off and picked up the empty bowl and glasses and placed them back in the kitchen. Thank god I managed to get this far without a slip of the tongue, I'm not going to tell her my feelings and I'm not going to mention anything. Not yet anyway.

"Where do you keep the booze?" No telling who that was.

"My 'rents only have wine, and a few beers" I sighed

It sucks that I can't get my own alcohol yet and have to rely on older friends to get it for me, Kurenai, another one of my friends mostly gets it for me when I ask her to, but I don't want to feel like I'm just asking her and then fucking off because I'm not really that close with her.

"Beers fine" Anko said as I pointed to the fridge

"Chuck me one" I called

Before I could react a beer came flying across the air and landed on the counter, I quickly picked it up acting like I had caught it. This should be fun to open, maybe if I…

"Anko, baby, you know you love me, can you open this, I have no strength" I pouted passing it to her

I backed away a fair few steps whilst she took it; she gave me a strange look then opened it, heh that was totally worth it. Froth spluttered from the can all over her and on the floor, I couldn't control the laughter that was echoing throughout the kitchen, I had to clutch my stomach it was hurting so much.

I saw her anger boiling up which made me laugh even more having to close my eyes from the faint tears that were rolling down them, I heard her coming slowly closer and closer to me until she stopped, I heard her shaking something and abruptly stopped laughing.

"Funny is it?" She asked menacingly

I shot both of my eyes open and was prepared to run but before I could beer was frothing as it did before, but over me this time, with the help of Anko tipping it down it made it that much worse, I was soaked and so was she. We stood in anger, glaring at each other for several minutes.

"You're a bit wet" I stated.

That's it. I couldn't control it anymore, I let out another booming laugh and slowly Anko joined in, we were in fits on the floor covered in sticky beer.

"Ahah, hah, ho. Alright, I'm okay, I'm okay. What's the ti-Ahahah. No w-what's the time, s-serious-heh-ly." Anko stuttered between gasping and giggling

"Hah, like eight" I wheezed

"I should get going, I-hah. I've got to get the last few bits for the holiday ready, Can I borrow a towel to dry myself off?" she beamed

Oh does she really have to go? Maybe I can ask if she wants a shower. With me. Idiot, stop it.

"Sure you know where everything is" I said as I walked up the stairs with her

I made my way to my bedroom and got out some fresh pyjamas, Anko came in and collected her clothes and threw me a towel, then went back into the bathroom to get changed, I took the towel and dried myself off, I'll have a shower in the morning.

I finished drying myself and got changed, I picked up the towel and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yo, are you decent?" I called

There was a few seconds silence

"Yeah"

I walked in on Anko just putting her black jumper-top back on, I threw the towel on the side and we made our way to the door.

"I'll see you after I get back from holiday alright? I'm leaving sometime tomorrow so don't miss me too much" She winked and we hugged

It felt like a firework was sizzling in my chest, I was ecstatic to be hugging her and just spending time with her but at the same time I had a feeling of unnerve from somewhere I'm not sure of.

"I'll try not to" I replied as we broke our hug

I can't promise anything. I'll miss you so much

"And don't miss me too much either, yeah?" I called as she went

I know she won't.

_She will._

Not in the same way I'll miss her though.

_…she-_

Exactly.

* * *

_Wooooo finished! I loved writing this chapter so much, I love the moments between Anko and Tayuya, they practically write themselves._  
_Okay, If anybody is actually reading this, see you next Fridayyyy~  
_


	5. Waiting

Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. Tayuya x Anko. AU. Yuri.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
Warning: Strong language, Female x Female pairings.  
I will try to update a chapter every Friday!

I'm really sorry for the short and clumsy chapter; I'll upload another since I've been away.  
I've also been thinking after I've finished the story merge some chapters together so they seem longer.

_Chapter 5: Waiting_

* * *

Sitting on a window ledge isn't nearly as uncomfortable as people make it out to be. Well, my window ledge is pretty big, you could fit a chair here but I'll settle for a pillow or two. Man the weather looks cold, even though the sun is showing as thin white clouds stretch over it, it still looks so cold, and it's hardly fair when the sun shines but we get none of the warmth.

I can feel the cold from how the side of my face is pressed up against the glass of the window, but I really don't want to move as I'm comfortable and have nothing to do all day so there is no point in moving.

_New Message: Temari  
'Hey Tay, are you out today? x'_

_New Message: Kiba_  
_'Are u out bruddah?'_

_New Message: Ino_  
_'Tayuya! Come on out, pleeeaaaaassseeee! I beg you! Mwa x'_

Nope, that's right; I have nothing at all to do today, not a single thing, I haven't received _any_ messages _at all…_

Anko left a few hours ago, I'm still contemplating whether to call her or not, my anxiety is so right now it's unbelievable, what if she's crashed or something? Gah. Better call her.

_'The person you are calling is not available at the mome-'  
_  
She's dead. She's crashed. Her plane has crashed. She was in a plane crash. She is fucking dead.  
Oh god. Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod.

_Keep calm god damn it, she isn't dead, her plane didn't crash, she just didn't hear you calling that's all._

"How would you know?"

_I'm not the one that's paranoid._

Nope. She's dead. Definitely dead.

_New Message: Anko  
'Hey, the plane signal is crap and phones are off limits. So I'll just send you a quick text saying that I'm fine, we are going to land in a few more hours. I'll text you when I get there if it has signal. Laters whore'_

Oh thank god for that.

I should catch up on sleeping seeming as I have nothing to do today, but I'll put my phone on loud just in case Anko rings. Unless she dies when she gets there. Oh crap what if she gets run over when she gets out of the plane, and then she-

_Go to sleep.  
_  
Right.

* * *

_Again sorry for the short and clumsy chapter, I didn't really have much planned for this chapter, and I think all my creative length for the few weeks was taken out by writing the previous chapter. I'll upload another chapter now. c:_


	6. Selfish

Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. Tayuya x Anko. AU. Yuri.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
Warning: Strong language, Female x Female pairings. Drug use.  
I will try to update a chapter every Friday!

Darkish chappie at the beginning, then downright confusing, my apologies guys.  
Sorry for any mistakes.

_Chapter 6: Selfish_

* * *

I can't deal with this anymore. I'm also so pathetic for making such a drama out of it which makes it worse, I'm just so agitated by everything and everyone, I've even pissed Anko off, she just hung up on me. She'll blame it on the shitty signal where she's staying for her holiday but I bet its bullshit, everyone is getting annoyed at me so she might as well join the crowd.

Why can't my mind just be normal, not having to have all these feelings inside of me, I literally feel as if there are whispering and taunting me at times. Now I'm going mad, great.

It's not right okay. It's not right to have feelings for my _best friend_, for a while I've said to myself it's fine as long as I don't tell anyone, but no, it's not okay, I'm ruining our friendship and anything we've ever had just be having these feelings and I want them to stop. I want to stop being so selfish, not thinking about anyone else but myself and my own problems, there are far worse cases happening out there.

Please, just take all my feelings away, it would be best for everyone; it could go back to what it was before, innocent friendship. No stupid butterflies or fireworks or heated cheeks. Nothing. Just happiness.

By now my wall has a fair few dents, each one getting deeper and deeper, I've scraped my knuckle a fair few times, it's raw and red and parts are specking with blood, the majority of my bedroom is torn up and over the floor and my music is blaring, I would try to calm down by playing my flute but it's still god damn broken.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection.

"What do you want?!" I screamed, closing my eyes as tight as I could

I need to get out of my head, get out of my feelings. Just for a little while, then I can come back to civilisation and face stuff when I'm calmer.

I picked up the broken parts of my flute and proceeded to pocket them in my hoodie, man my hair was a mess, oh well my beanie will cover that up, no worries. Pushing my stiff window is easier said than done, but in the rage I was in anything would be possible. Luckily we had a balcony type thing that acted like a stepping point between the window to the floor so you could easily climb out without falling from a height and possibly breaking a few bones here and there.

There was no way in hell was I going to use my actual door, my 'rents would freak out if they saw me come out of my room with bleeding knuckles, then banish me to my room because it was _'late'._

I found myself walking to Asumas house; I guess I know what I want. No, not that kind of pain relief, especially as he is with someone. Nah, he is a friend of Shikamaru, whenever we were in need of booze or weed he'd be the first person to go to, very reliable source.

I scowled at passersby in the dark as they walked by, oblivious to the death glare I was giving everyone. I finally arrived outside Asumas flat and knocked; I waited there for a few minutes till a topless Asuma, just about buttoning his pants up and smoking on a blunt as per usual, swung the door open. I could just make out a female figure with black curvy hair draping a jacket over herself.

"Err… I didn't mean to interrupt; I was just wondering if you're selling?" I asked taken back slightly.

"Yeah sure, come in a sec" he motioned me in and I waited in the hallway.

Bingo. I knew I recognised the chick from somewhere.

"Oh hey Kurenai, I apologize for the rude interruption, I'll be leaving you to it soon" I smirked

"To what? We were not doing anything…" her gaze dropped to the jacket she was wearing.

"Well…" she chuckled

"Have fun" I whispered as Asuma walked back into the room with a small bag in hand I asked how much he wanted for it, then gave him the currency and thanked him.

"Hey, uh, I'm kinda shaky today, would you mind rolling?"

Okay that was half of the truth, the other half was that I was a terrible roller and would end up getting the majority of the continents on the floor, but as the kind gentleman he was he did roll for me then I was on my way. They did ask if I wanted to stay, but being a third wheel in front of a _'lovey dovey'_ couple was really not what I needed at the moment.

From Asumas to the nearest music shop was a smoke away, so I took the time to do so, I sparked up and took a drag, the smoke and pot lingered in my chest, feeling a burning sensation dancing for a while, I then released the toxic into the air.

It took like fucking _forever_ before I got to the, to the… music shop? Looks like a music shop. M-u-s-i- yeah. It was a-ha music shop. You could tell by the dangly things in the mirror. Window, I meant window. It's a weird word that Wind-ow. "Ow wind, that hurt"

I have no freaking idea okay. Why am I even here, something about a- Heh my reflection in the window looked awesome, like my eyes were drooped but dancing, raving in their sockets.

Something about my flute that was it.

I opened the customer door and heard a weird clashing sound, violent poles being cluttered together by chains. What is this? Some sort of massacre join, holy crap I'm going to die, I'm going to di- oh, it's just the door jangler, peaceful.

"Hello~" I called slowly

I floated over to the counter and placed my flute pieces on the side, I had once broke it before, I think, I don't remember when, put they patched him up before so they can do it again, I put all my trust in them and if they break that I will be a very sad flute.

Finally the long snaky dude-ette? Dude? Oh whatever, he/she came out at long last. This was one of the most awesome music shops because one; they had music of course why would it be a music shop if they didn't have music, and music, and also i-n-ssstre-m-e-n-tssss.

Wow I never realised how weird my fingernails are, they are just there, minding their own business, I mean where do they come from, do they go up like half the way from your arm, and how the fuck do they grow back?

And secondly the owner-ette? Is a badass tattoo artist, when I hit 18 I'm coming straight here, no more parental guidance sucker!

Man I'm tried I need to get going, I waved at the dudes in the shop and made my way home in what seemed like a peaceful ride upon a cloud that took a fair few days, it lifted me up and placed me into my humble abode where I rested for eternity.

_Beep Beep Beep.  
8:06_

Ugh shut the fuck up.

Pulling myself up it felt as if a quilt of daze was hovering over me. My eyes began to focus upon the state that was my bedroom and my bed, well _'bed'._

My mattress was way at the other side of the room and a few shelves were knocked down along with text books, normal books, records, music sheets and who knows what else, pillows lay everywhere some with holes and some just scratched up a bit, and the wall directly in front of me was covered in punch marks and faint dry blood.

I looked down at my knuckles and could see where they had scabbed up. Suddenly the daze was over and pain hit, god damn that hurts, how could I be so stupid? Why do I always have to let me feelings get in the way all the time, I'm so stupid and selfish and where is my flute?

Man fuck this I'm going back to sleep.

* * *

_When I originally planned this chapter out I had no intention of Tayuya being high but hey, where ever the wind takes you I guess._  
_I found it really confusing myself to write as I've never been high before, so I hope it was at least slightly believable and didn't confuse anyone._

_And Orochimaru as a tattoo artist seemed fitting haha._


	7. Confide

Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. Tayuya x Anko. AU. Yuri.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
Warning: Strong language, Female x Female pairings.  
I will try to update a chapter every Friday!

Oops internet was down.

_Chapter 7: Confide_

* * *

The fountain in the middle of the park was one of the more notable achievements this town has, that and some crappy statue with a few historian shops. It wasn't my first choice coming here but Temari said we should go out of our hometown and drive somewhere seeming as her dad let her borrow his car, I can't wait until I learn to drive and get my own car, good times.

Temari and I were sitting on said fountain ledge, the weather was adequate, the sun was out and it felt like summer was starting to pick up, usually when summer is coming everybody seems to perk up, well the majority of people that is.

We spent the majority of the day shopping, I hate shopping in a whole but I was in desperate need of some new clothes and I needed to get some materials for my project which I _still_ haven't started, I have more of a clue of what I'll be doing, wind instruments and composures with my character narrating, hopefully it will be as good as I hope.

"I can tell you've had something on your mind all day, why not share?" Temari turned to me

"No" Wow harsh, what is wrong with me?

"I mean, there isn't anything on my mind" I quickly tried to save myself

"Huh. Seems like it, you're telling me whether you like it or not, better to share than keep it inside you.

Well I did share it with my entire bedroom so that theory has already been taken care of, but this is Temari, maybe she can help? And I trust her with my life so she wouldn't whisper a word, here goes.

"Is it weird to… have a crush on a friend" My heart is going wild

"Not at all, a selection of people admitted to it, its normal. Why, you have a crush? Come 'on Tay, who's the lucky guy?"

"It's not a guy…"

"Oh yeah you're Bi, who's the lucky girl then?" She winked

Deep breaths.

"I uh- shit, promise not to tell a living soul okay" I glared

"Cross my heart" Hand signs and everything, I expect nothing less.

"Okay, it maybe, sort of, kind of, slightly, perhaps, possibly might be Anko" I said in a rush

It took her a few seconds of surprise before speaking

"Cute, have you told her?" Genuine smile, oh thank god for that.

"No, I'm not going to, I don't want to ruin our friendship"

"I think you should tell her, she might like you back you never know"

"This is Anko we're talking about. I'm not saying anything. I _really_ don't want to lose her"

"Your choice, just listen, you shouldn't feel bad about it or anything, as I said it's normal, don't tear yourself up inside because of it, okay?" Temari sighed

Heh too late for that, too late for my bedroom as well. When my mum came in she went ballistic, I blamed it on my flute being broken, now I have to spend the majority of my time fixing it and getting new pillows and bed quilts, and major apologizing to my mum was in order, the only reason they let me out today was to get stuff for my project with my student loan, pillows and ect have to be spend with my _own_ money, it sucks.

"Yeah, let's change the topic, how are you and Shikamaru?"

"Up and down, my god he is so lazy, well, not always, he proved that to me many times, especially the other day when he came round" She looked up in awe as if reminiscing the memories

"Yeah okay I don't want to know anymore" I laughed and rolled my eyes.

Many times she has told me he is not lazy in the bedroom department, I don't really want to be reminded again and again, that doesn't stop her though. In theory I know way, _way_ too much about both of their sex stories as they both enjoy telling me even when I protest. I'm not prude or anything but some things are better left unsaid.

"I really want something to take my mind off of Anko, I'm tired of trying to cling to invisible hope" Might as well get everything out in the open

"Good luck on that, it's really hard to keep your mind off someone, believe me, I've tried, many times"

"I don't know, maybe I just need someone to take my mind off it" I don't care if that sounded selfish, I'm speaking from heart

"Hey whatever floats your boat. Hey, is that Konan?"

I met her gaze at bluenette with an origami flower planted in it. Yep that was definitely Konan.

"Yo, Konan, get your arse over here!"I yelled out, I could see her mentally sigh as she walked over.

"Could you keep your voice down I have a hammering headache, I've already spent the majority of the day with Hidan, I don't need any more vulgar language yelling in my head"

Seems as if she is in ice queen mode today

"Who's Hidan?" I quizzed raising an eyebrow

"Peins friend" She sighed signalling her head behind with her eyes closed

I tilted to my left to look behind her. Well hello there. Grey hair, tall, pink eyes from what I could make out leaning against a far green lamp post, hand in pockets and a bored and slight pissed off gaze, as he caught my gaze an arrogant smirk appeared on his lips.

I've been caught ogling, this is conveniently awkward. He walked over slowly and took his place by Konans side, smug grin still plastered on his face.

"I see that you've got a good fucking look at the eye candy ey sweet cheeks?"

"It would be quite hard to look at myself without a damn mirror" I retorted with a smirk

"I know the feel"

We were now speaking with our eyebrows, quite flirtatiously actually, Temari and Konan gave a look of recognition.

"Konan, you never told me you have really hot fucking friends "Hidan smirked

I like his language, I'm quite flattered

"Hidan, please shut up" she scowled

I side glanced over to Temari with a knowing look, looks like I've found my distraction from Anko.

* * *

Procrastination is a bitch.  
I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes I was being lazy and didn't proof read.  
c u nxt fridaiiiii~~~~


	8. Amiss

Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. Tayuya x Anko. AU. Yuri.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
Warning: More strong language than usual, Female x Female pairings.  
I will try to update a chapter every Friday!

HidaTayu mildly in this chapter.

_Chapter 8: Amiss_

* * *

_New Message: Hidan_  
_'hey sexy, wanna come round? i'm lonely ; -) x'_

Typical, I better get something out of it. I guess Hidan and I are seeing each other, I wouldn't really call it a full relationship, like not official and we are definitely not in love by any means, we've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks or so.

Although he was so kind to take me on a date, to the local chippy, classy eh? But he made it up to me afterwards so I'd say it was a pretty successful date, we've also been to some clubs but I don't class those as dates.

I do like him I admit it, he can be a total arse sometimes but I'm sure I'm just as bad back, and he is so god damn sexy, sorry I mean Jashin damn sexy. Yeah apparently the only god that's allowed to be used is Jashin, Hidans fucking saviour.

I really don't get the religious nut-job side of him, he enjoys slaughtering animals, but hey I'm not complaining he can do whatever he wishes as long as he doesn't show me them. I once mistook a mice he was saving for his pet, until I picked it up and its guts were trailing out, it was a memorable sight.

He is a great kisser though, no a wonderful kisser, as soon as our lips connect I feel slightly woozy, and he is very skilled with his tongue, like it's not everywhere down the back of your throat, but carefully explores and plays, and he's skilled in other areas as well…

Ah god I'm turning into Temari and Shikamaru. Right, new topic, new topic.

_New Message: Anko_  
_'Word up slut! I'm coming home today, I have to get on the plane soon, can't wait to see you and the others again, I have some exciting shiz to tell you. Peace.'_

On anything but that topic, now I feel guilty as fuck, I know it's not like I'm dating her or anything but whenever I'm with Hidan I always think of Anko.

Nobody can beat her amazing purple hair scraped into a hair band, the way her bangs fall across her face frame it even more perfectly, all of her facial expressions make me melt, especially when she pulls a cheesy grin and closes her eyes, ugh that does things Hidan will never do to me. Her eyes are a gorgeous lavender colour that I just can't get enough of; the colour complements her so well, I love all her features, I love all her expressions, I love her personality, I just love everything about her that it's come to the point where it really fucking hurts.

But I can never have that; I can never have her, and I need to stop feeling that way, yes Hidan was something to get her off my mind but it didn't work out that way at all, in fact it may have made it worse, everything I do with him I wish I was doing with her, being with him doesn't feel as right as it would with her.

Ugh what am I saying, shut up and go on a whim, maybe he'll grow on me more, I'll just have to wait and see.

* * *

_Interpret the tongue thing as you wish, you perverts._  
_Nah kidding I thought the same whilst typing it out._  
_Apologies for how short it is :(._


	9. Jealousy

Tayuya would like nothing more than to just be in a happy relationship with Anko without any complicated feelings spiralling about. But it's not that easy when you're in love with your best friend and have to lock your feelings away just to please everybody else. Tayuya x Anko. AU. Yuri.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
Warning: Strong language, Female x Female pairings.  
I will try to update a chapter every Friday!

_Chapter 9: Jealousy_

* * *

_Caller ID: Anko Home_

"_Good day whore face"_

"Good morrow slut bag"

_"Guess whose back"_

"Well, seeming as the caller ID is 'Anko Home' I'm guessing it's you?"

_"Correct. Now sit back and relax I'm about to tell you about my amazing holiday"_

I did as she said, sat comfortably in my spotless room on the beanbag in the corner, cup of tea in hand. I have been waiting for this call forever, just to hear her voice again gave me butterflies, and I'm going to hang onto each and every one of her words.

"_So as you know I went to Egypt, it was fab, the scenery was beautiful and the water is so clear there it's unbelievable, you can clearly see right to the bottom if it's reasonably shallow. And the eye candy was to die for. Hey, are you slurping whilst I'm telling my story?"_

"Nope, do carry on"

Totally forgot about her being able to hear me, better set the tea down.

"_Good. As I was saying, the eye candy was to die for, and I'm not just talking about its residents, the visitors as well, you see, I met this guy that was staying at the same hotel as me, and let me be the first to say if you saw him, you'd jump his arse"_

Oh this can't be good  
_  
"So we got talking and started going to the attractions together, he is so sweet and serious at the same time, quite funny in his own quirky way as well, we started seeing each other a lot more and decided to date and I mean I know it will be long distance but gives a rats arse, I've gone all fangirly when I talk about him, this isn't like me, but it just seems so right, you know? So then after visi-"_

Tell me this is a dream; tell me this is a bad dream that I will wake up from soon.

Whatever Anko was saying about her precious little lover was inaudible to me now, I literally felt like someone had shoved a weight in my throat and it dropped right to the bottom of my stomach, all I could do was stare at my wall, my muscles where all in a frozen state, I felt my eyes becoming really sensitive and then before I knew it they were overflowing, I couldn't even stop them, they just kept falling.

"_-Sounds pretty awesome, right?"_

"Sounds great" I managed to choke

_"Is everything okay? You sound like your crying? Tayuya, what's wrong?"_

Better pick myself up and get out of this state, she seems pretty worried.

"Huh? Dude I'm fine, I just have a hammering cold. Not meaning to steal your spotlight or anything but I have some news too"  
Why am I telling her this? It's not like she cares, she has her precious lover to think about.

_"Proceed"  
_  
"I've started seeing someone, I have been for a few weeks or so, it's not really official and I don't really see it as a relationship as such, but it's something"

_"Heh I'm glad for you, what are they like?"  
_  
"He's okay"

_"Are you happy with him?"  
_  
"Yeah sure, he's great, it's just not what you would class as love"

_"Well as long as my slut is happy so am I, What's his name?  
_  
"Hidan"

_"Hidan? Hidan as in Peins fucktard friend? Are you kidding me?"_

Heh, so much for 'if you're happy so am I'

"He's not so bad, it's my choice whether to see him or not"

_"Has he touched you? I swear to god if-"  
_  
"It's my choice"

_"No, that's not good enough, he can hurt you, he is probably carrying unknown diseases. What have you gotten yourself into Tayuya? You deserve better-_"

"Why the fuck do you even care? Go be happy with your lover boy, it's my decision"

I know she's only looking out for me, if I wasn't consumed with jealousy I probably would have listened, I couldn't take her criticising anymore, and I don't want to get any more angry, especially not with her, but I guess it's too late. Why do you always have to ruin everyone else's happiness Tayuya? You fucking selfish bitch.

I hung up and threw my phone on my bed with force, I didn't want to break it because fuck paying for another one, but I needed to get my anger out. I let out a painful growl and stood up and kicked the beanbag, knocking my tea with it.  
For crying out loud! Oh great, now my phone is going off again, I swear if she's trying to call me…

_New Message: Anko  
'No need to get pissy, I care because you're my best friend, I'm just concerned that's all. I'll talk to you some other time when you're not on.'_

How nice of you, guess I'll turn my phone off if there is no use to it. Now where is that Go- Jashin damn cloth, stupid tea is going to leave a big arse stain that will cost a fortune to try and fully get rid of. Right where is my flute? I'll get that cleaned up then keep myself preoccupied with the assignment.

* * *

_Done and dusted, why must Tayuya be so angry all the time? ;-;_

_Distinguish thee subsequently Friday._


End file.
